Ladies and gentleman, I go wresslin’ every morning, noon, and night with a little pink, squeaky, squealing infant. He has developed super human strength, especially after he has pooped.
This little baby now has the ability to effectively crawl away from me in every direction, and has forced me to take extreme measures when changing his diaper.
I have learned how to change him while he’s laying on his stomach still asleep. This trick doesn’t always work, but when it does I feel victorious!
Changing a diaper while baby is standing? Not a problem!
Has baby found a way to rappel down furniture? Simply slip the baby into the diaper as they are sliding down!
Seems easy right? Has baby pooped? Big problem in my house. See, my infant likes to play a game called “get away from mommy because I want to sit on my poop as long as possible.” I’m convinced that he is proud of the product he has made all by himself, therefore wants to keep it. Or, he likes his buns to be warm. Either way, the diaper change from hell is ready to occur.
As soon as the diaper is undone, it all breaks loose. Literally. Thrashing from side to side, trying to squirm away…all for what? To show me who’s really in charge.
And from time to time, I get peed on.
I think I deserve a blue ribbon, or maybe my little piggy does. Best in show.