Last week I was flipping through the radio as I was driving and I came across a station where the radio hosts were discussing marriage. The question they were asking was, “Have you ever looked at another marriage and compared it to your’s?”
Several callers said that they had tried unsuccessfully for years to find a “good” marriage to model their marriage after. Many callers stated that they had tried to find another couple who had a great relationship to be like marriage mentors to them and their spouse. They often said that just when they would find a couple that “looked” like they had a perfect marriage, they would find out that that couple was getting divorced.
So the question I pose is “What makes a perfect marriage?” Are there certain characteristics that you look for when comparing your marriage to another?
For myself I look at my parent’s marriage. They just recently celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. While I know their marriage is not perfect they have stuck it out all these years. I’ve seen arguments and disagreements through the years and I know they get on each other’s nerves from time to time but even when times were tough they never gave up on each other. They still will even hold hands when they are walking through the grocery store. I think that’s love. Even though I know their relationship is not “perfect” I still hope that my husband and I have that type of relationship 30 years from now.
Are there perfect marriages out there? Is there a couple who never argues, never hurts one another’s feelings, never goes to bed angry? I doubt it. Every relationship has its ups and downs but its how you handle those times down in the valley that makes the times on the top of the mountain even more enjoyable.
I think its a good idea to have a couple who you and your husband can be friends with to be a marriage mentor. It’s good to have friends and especially friends that support your values and views on life. However I think in some cases it could be a bad idea to try and model your marriage after someone else’s. It could lead to discontent and dissatisfaction in your own relationship.
What works for one couple may not always work for another couple. Each marriage has its own unique characteristics and trying to make your marriage exactly like someone else’s could just lead to more problems. Instead, take the time to learn about your spouse. What makes them tick? What ticks them off? How can you show them that you love them, even during the times when you are mad at them?
Maybe you and your spouse are looking for another married couple to befriend, what characteristics are you looking for in their relationship? What makes theirs a good relationship? I’d love to read your responses!