One year ago today, Kentucky Wildcats played a basketball game and won. How do I remember? Because the Narcissist and I went to a friends house to watch the game. I was eight months pregnant, and I thought the Narcissist and I were going to hang out all evening after the game (I was willing to play “good wife” and be the designated driver for he and a gaggle of his drunken friends.) However, his best friend “talked him into” going alone with him to a restaurant without me to “have some guy time.”
I was really upset. More like mad, because to had been basically stood up. His best friend pleaded his case by saying he needed someone to talk to because he was having a hard time adjusting to being back with his wife (who he had cheated on with a young woman and gotten her pregnant.)
Fast forward to three in the morning. His friend told me that the Narcissist had dropped him off an hour prior. We only lived about five minutes from his friend. I was worried. The Narcissist had a history of drinking and driving, and had two DUI’s under his belt (I know how to pick men, let me tell you.) The first place I called was the jail. He was there.
The bailiff who answered the phone told me he had been brought in with a female. “No way,” I thought. So, months later when the whole story came out, all of this made sense, but at the time, I was so blinded by love that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. He lied his way out of it. He told me that he and a group of people had been arrested crossing the street (jaywalking) in front of a restaurant bar in town and he had been taken to jail for an alcohol intoxication charge.
Want to know what really happened that night? My ex and his lover were caught having sex in her husbands car by a police officer who recognized his car, and maybe recognized that it was not his buddies rear end in the air on top of his buddies wife. So yes, one year ago today, on St Patrick’s day, the Narcissist was caught having sex with a married woman in her husband’s car while I was at home, hugely pregnant, worrying that he might be dead in a ditch somewhere.
He is a man of class.
Why do I tell these stories? Well, the blog is cheaper than seeing a therapist and hearing these thins might just help someone. In my gut, I knew something was amiss. Maybe I was too scared to leave (being pregnant) thinking I couldn’t do it alone (which I am and I’m perfectly fine) or maybe I really did love him and didn’t want to feel like a failure for having a failed relationship. The Narcissist didn’t care. He had someone doing his laundry, the dishes, cooking, ironing his clothes, buying chemicals for the pool, and paying half the bills. He had the proverbial cake, was eating it, and sharing it in bed with his lover.
What is the moral of this tale? When you have a gut feeling, don’t follow your heart. Don’t be hopeful. Hire a private investigator if possible to get evidence and move on. Anyone can make it on their own. I don’t care who you are- you can. If you’re in a situation similar to what I was in, you can find a way over, under, around or through any obstacle to make your situation better.
Happy St. Patty’s day to you and yours!