Tomorrow is my birthday. For the most part I don’t get excited or upset about birthdays. It’s just another day. Yes I’m getting older, but that’s part of life. This birthday though, has me reflecting on a lot of things. As I start the 34th year of my life I’m hoping that some things start to fall in place.
Year 33 was rough. As I shared in my post about my Word of the Year, this past year was a tough year. My husband and I were living with my parents after he had lost his job. That in itself was difficult, but we tried to make the best of it and my parents were great about it the whole time.
Living with your parents can add a lot of stress on a marriage. So can losing a job, your home, and having to move to another state (we had been living in Tennessee for his job). Later on in the year, my husband and I separated. He has struggled with a drug addiction many times throughout his adult life and succumbed to the temptations of drugs again.
I love my husband. I really do. But the things that happened when we separated hurt me a lot. But no matter how much someone hurts you it’s hard to just stop loving that person. During this time that we have been separated I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer. The decision to walk away from a marriage, no matter how bad my feelings have been hurt, is not a decision I take lightly. I keep coming back to this verse in the Bible.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
Where does my marriage stand today? We are at a point where we have been talking, and discussing going to counseling together.
Many people in my life don’t understand my decision to not turn my back and walk away. And truth be told, I may lose some friends over this decision. But at the age of 34 I have to do what I feel is right in my heart, not what my parents or my friends or my family think is right. There will always be someone who doesn’t agree with the decisions we make in life. One thing I’ve learned is that we have to live our life and make our decisions based on what is best for us, not what everyone else wants us to do.
The past year has been full of heartache, tears, and lots of prayer. Today, as I look toward a new year of my life, I am hopeful that things will improve. I don’t know what the future holds but I know that my future is in God’s hands and I’m trusting that He will work things out.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
Posts like this are difficult to write, as a blogger. It’s so easy to crank out recipes and tips and how-to posts for our readers. But sometimes we need to open our heart and our lives and be transparent with you. We are real people, just like you and we suffer the same heartaches and difficult decisions that you may be facing in life. If you are facing a difficult time in your life or a marriage that is on the rocks, I hope that you will find peace and make the best decisions for yourself.