A few days ago, Miss Adventures shared with you, her story of living with depression. Depression is something that so many people deal with, often without even realizing that’s whats going on in their lives, and continuing to sink deeper and deeper into a state of depression. This is something I’ve battled for the past several years and I wanted to share my story with you.
In 2006 I married a man who completely swept me off my feet. I admit I was foolish and married him after only knowing him for a little over two months. This man was a complete con artist who totally depleted me financially, mentally, and emotionally. (One day I will write a book about my life married to a con artist….it will be a bestseller!)
After dealing with all of that I became very depressed. I had always been the “good girl” who never did anything wrong and I felt like everyone looked at me differently now that I had made this foolish decision to marry this lunatic. Coming from a small town, and teaching at a small high school, it was kind of like the sitcom Cheers, “where everybody knows your name.” They also know every detail of your business too and love to talk about it with each other!
Finally, one of my closest friends, who also worked at my doctor’s office, convinced me to come see the doctor to talk to her and possibly get some medication for the depression and anxiety I was dealing with. I admit that I, like Miss Adventures, did not really even realize that I was depressed. And I was never one to rely on medications but I totally believe that God created doctors and medications to help us and I think sometimes in life we reach a point where we can’t do it all on our own, we can’t fight every battle by ourselves and sometimes you do need some clinical/medical help.
After several months on an antidepressant and nerve medication I finally felt like I could function on my own, without wanting to cry all the time, or snap someone’s head off. I was able to move on with my life and was able to stop taking the medication.
In 2010 I married my husband and we have had some major rough patches in the past 3 years. In 2010 I was pregnant and delivered a baby girl that was stillborn. My husband found himself in some major legal troubles. I was without a steady job. Everything just kept piling up. But I wanted to try and deal with things on my own and not get back on medication, mainly because I didn’t have health insurance. So I held a lot of things inside and didn’t always share with people how low I was feeling.
Sometimes though we need to step outside ourselves and get help. Most people don’t realize the low points I have lived through during the past three years. There have been times when I wouldn’t sleep at night because all I could do was cry. I have been driving down the road and just break down crying. Often I would stay up half the night because as long as I was busy I could keep my mind off of my troubles, but if I laid down to go to bed, thats when my mind would focus on the problems I was dealing with. I have always tried to be the strong person and put on a smile but sometimes all I really wanted to do was curl up in the dark and not talk to anyone.
Thankfully I have some great friends who have been by my side through it all. One of my closest friends is a true Godsend. We may not talk very often, sometimes we may go a month without talking but its like she knows when I need an ear to listen to me or a should to cry on because when I’m at my lowest point that’s when she always calls.
Everyone’s story is different and not everyone suffers in the same way. If you think you may be suffering from depression, please find someone to talk to or get help in some way. In my job I see so many people come to the hospital for suicidal thoughts and when you talk to them a lot of times they tell you they just didn’t know where else to turn because they were at the bottom of the pit and felt like there was no hope.
No matter what you are facing, there is always hope. Find a friend, call a minister, go to a doctor/hospital/therapist, etc. But don’t suffer alone.