Infidelity is really difficult, especially when you are on the receiving end. One must go though the stages of grief, as if you’ve lost a loved one to death. Denial, guilt, what could I have done done differently, a myriad of emotions and thoughts invade your mind.
So how do you pick yourself up from that?
I may have not done this the healthiest way, but I have always heard, “the best way to get over someone is to date someone else.” That is exactly what I needed to do.
My ex had actually been cheating on me for several months, not to my knowledge. All the signs were there: staying late for work, going out with his “friends” more often, which I accounted for as just going out to watch basketball, not paying as much attention, picking fights whenever he could with me. Being naive, I brushed it off as he was stressed out at work, stress from having a new baby…being unfaithful didn’t even cross my mind.
One fateful Saturday night he came home very late and I started looking at his Facebook page. Good ol’ Facebook. I never noticed the new girl who had been “peeing” all over his page. AKA, marking territory. The gut feeling crept in. When he got home at 3:30am, I confronted him. “Have you been sleeping with [slut’s name]?”
He was honest. He wanted out.
I had an apartment two days later, that Monday, but not after I let EVERYONE know what he had done. I wasn’t too proud. I spoke with the girl on the phone, she had broken up her marriage/family to sleep around with my ex. She also said she was through with him…but didn’t completely stop her bad habit of my ex for a few more weeks. Come to find out, he was already sleeping with someone else too, before I even was moved out of the house. Karma. I don’t fault her. He lied to her as much as he lied to me. We were both his victims.
Forgiving the girl was easier than forgiving my ex, only because he destroyed me financially for a little while. It took some time to get myself financially in a good place after the infidelity. Of all the things I needed to get over, it was the financial slump that happens when you have to go out on your own after a breakup of a family. I had to file bankruptcy, which I put off and put off until I couldn’t take it anymore. Prior to this I was a big Dave Ramsey follower and strongly felt you could snowball your way out of anything. I just couldn’t do it with a 10 year old and a new baby. I worked full time but living on one income when you’re used to two is a huge adjustment and a shock to your wallet. Bankruptcy is not something I recommend, but in my case it was necessary.
As far as my love life goes, I waited a couple months and got back on the dating horse. I met someone and started dating, he “fell in love,” and we broke up soon after. Something so serious was not something I was ready for.
Since that time, I have become ready and luckily met a wonderful man. How do you trust again, you might ask. You just do.
In this life you have to learn to let go. Anger and grudges cause wrinkles. Nobody wants more wrinkles. Just kidding, but what is the point of using your hours hating someone? And what is the point in not giving your heart away again for fear it may be broken again? I’m a believer in karma. It will get my ex, sooner or later. My life is coming together. My relationships are better for what happened to me. I’m not as naive and trusting, I’m more guarded and smarter dealing not just with men, but people on general. Trust, but don’t be stupid.
In a nut shell , to pick yourself up after infidelity, you simply pull yourself up by the boot straps and do what you have to do. You have to find a way to go under, above, around, or through any obstacle that comes before you. Believe me, there will be obstacles. But you must overcome.
You can, and you will.