Hesitant to Date Again
Not because I’m scared, or listening to my gut that it might be dangerous…but because I had an epiphany that I’m not 100% OK yet, I am hesitant to date again. Not from the breakup of my family, not from being cheated on and lied to, and certainly my appearance could use some work since in exhausted all the time from doing it all with no help.
Self Improvement Projects
I realized that I have all of these self-improvement projects going on because I’m not all that happy with ME anymore which is fuleing the hesitant to date again feelings I am having. The idea of who I used to be before my disastrous relationship, who I became during the relationship, and who I am now, is very disjointed. The Paleo eating, crossfitter, Ralph Lauren catalog wearing happy mom has been replaced with an unhappy, unhealthy, fragmented version of my former self.
All of this sort of dawned on me yesterday when I received a text from a man I was to have coffee with on Friday. I cancelled the date, pushing it off another week. I just don’t think I’m there yet. Which is especially difficult, because my ex is supposedly happy with a new girlfriend playing Brady Bunch with all their kids (including my baby). How is that fair, when I was the one wronged by him. I’m sorry, but I have issues with him being able to be happy. I have a log way to go before I am able to forgive for what he did to me. I’m sure anyone who has been cheated on can understand.
This is a huge struggle I face nearly every day. Hopefully, my self-improvement projects will also help someone else in addition to getting me back to where I need to be in my life. My precious kiddos deserve a happy mom.
The Next Step
So what is a girl to do? I joined eHarmony in hopes I would email with people a few weeks before meeting. Or meet someone far away who would have to muster up the nerve to fly to meet me. Why meet someone so soon? I’m at a loss. I’ll just have to roll with the punches, do better every day, and pray that peace and happiness return to my life very very soon.
This blog is helping, believe it or not. I might sound like a winey girl who is bitter, but in reality, I a healing every day. I’m gaining weight, so I can tell my unhappiness is subsiding. Part of my relationship took part of me away. Writing was my passion, that passion has been rejuvenated. The energy is coming back. Motivation is returning.
I am writing recipes again and cooking. Paleo recipes are my specialty. I followed the paleo diet for over two years. When I got pregnant with my son eating whatever I wanted (minus dairy) was easy. Now, eggs, bacon, no grains, sugar, processed food is slowly becoming a part of my life again. Reviewing the principles of the paleo diet is helping. Pick up a copy of Loren Cordain’s “The Paleo Diet.” It might just change your life!
Nearly a year later and I am still struggling, but I have found a great love, have found joy every day in my children, and am on the path to becoming the person I strive to be. Diet and exercise will always be a struggle but I am getting there. Check out posts in later months to see how I have grown, and enjoy all the Weight Watchers and paleo recipes we have written throughout the year!