Why is it that when you are married and in your 30’s people think it’s ok to ask you when you are going to start having babies? Why is it any of their business? I’m on the warpath today. Ugh!
I was sitting at the doctor’s office today, after finally breaking down to go get some medicine for this sinus/allergy/cough junk I’ve been dealing with for a couple weeks, when I was subjected to a barrage of nosy questions from the lady in the seat next to me. This is a woman that has known me since I was a small child so I guess she thought that maybe that gave her the right to be nosy. Anyways, this lady is sitting next to me, talking non-stop, asking how my parents were, how my brother was, etc. She noticed the wedding ring on my hand and asked how long I’d been married. None of those were exactly, “nosy” questions, she was just making conversation with me. But then she started getting nosy.
After the “how long have you been married” question she asked if we had any children. Now, this is a question that I struggle with, as to how to answer it. Do I tell someone, “yes, I have two children, but they were both stillborn”, or do I go the easy route and say “no, we don’t have any children.” I really didn’t want to get into a long conversation with this lady (and the whole waiting room, because you know everyone listens to everyone else’s conversations), so I went the easy route and told her that we did not have any children.
The next question she asked, pushed me over the edge. “Well what are you waiting on? You know your parents need grandbabies.” I admit, I was fuming. What gives her the right to ask something like that? I was furious and in my head I had lots of responses running around, most were not so nice. Thankfully at that time I was saved by the nurse, calling the old lady back to see the doctor, but still I sat there fuming.
So many couples face issues with infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, and even the death of their infant, toddler, or older child. But someone who has never experienced those situations doesn’t seem to understand that their seemingly innocent questions are like a knife in someone’s heart. I understand asking if someone has children. That’s a normal conversation starter. But to ask “what are you waiting for?” How dare you ask something like that! It may be that the couple doesn’t want children, not everyone is cut out to be a parent, or it may be that there are some serious circumstances surrounding the fact that they are childless.
I do have two children, and I hate telling someone that I don’t have kids. I feel like I’m being unfaithful to the memory of my babies. My first child was stillborn at 7 months. My second child was full term. I went for my pre-op appointment, the day before my scheduled C-section, when we learned that there was a knot in the umbilical cord that had been previously undetected, resulting in our daughter being stillborn.
My husband and I do want children. I’ve always dreamed of being a mother, with a houseful of kids and I believe when the time is right we will have a bunch of little ones running around, but until then I am subjected to the nosy questions of others.
Thanks for listening to my rant today!