Another story about the Narcissist. I was informed this evening that the Narcissist is going away for the weekend to the Final Four in Atlanta. (None of “his” teams are playing, so I’m unsure why.) Thus, he will not be spending his weekend day with my son, and I have to rearrange my work schedule to accommodate his visitation this coming week. Lovely.
Here is a little history lesson. Last year, he went to the Final Four when “our” team was playing. He refused to allow me to go, because it was a “guys trip.” I found out in July right before I moved out that he had taken the girl he was seeing with he and his guys.
Wan to know what I did that weekend? Cleaned the entire house, rearranged two bedrooms, went grocery shopping, cleaned out closets, all while caring for my daughter and being hugely pregnant.
Did anyone choose to tell me about his cheating heart? Nope, not one person. That weekend was just part of the beginning I me being made a fool of without my knowledge. Had I known, I would have left.
My ex is a class act, let me tell you.
All of these memories, reliving these months, where the same events happen, make me realize the feelings I had during that time that I really didn’t realize until now. It was so easy for me to leave when I did. Way too easy. A confession: I had talked to my best friend multiple times about leaving the Narcissist, but I was scared. I realized while I was pregnant that I didn’t really love him at all, but we were having a baby, so I needed to at least try. At least put in a good effort to attempt to enjoy being with him and his children. What he did was really a blessing in disguise, because I didn’t enjoy being around him or his kids at all. Toward the end of our relationship (close to July 27th, when he didn’t come home until 3am and had been with her,) I dreaded going home. I would make plans or my daughter to have dance lessons nearly every night so she, the baby, and myself didn’t have to be in that house. My daughter hated him, he treated her like dirt, and sadly I think she knew that. He really did me a favor, because had he not slept with someone else, I might still be a prisoner in that house today, unhappy and feeling too guilty to leave. I’m just disgusted I was still washing his dirty underwear. Gross.
What kills me is that in one of our mediations, he commented, “she’s just mad because I don’t want her anymore.” Had I not been so distraught over having to share time with my baby with this monster I would have laughed in his face and let him know how much of a favor he did for me. I regret that I was crying so he probably thought that really hit me where it hurt.
End of rant, just had to get that one out.